Welcome to the Initiation.
If you're on this secret page of the site, that means you're already in our secret NYC headquarters and the Rituals have already begun.
Try the Thirsty Thurston. (That's not a clue; that's just a suggestion.)
Each challenge will involve one of the pieces of SCAM ephemera found in your Initiation envelope. (You did get one of those, right? It was under the dildo.)
The FIRST challenge involves the Letter and only the Letter. Read it very carefully. If you're still stuck... well, we're feeling generous, so there are a couple of hints below -- use them only if you need them...